Following the decision of your organisation to boycott all goods produced in Israel, you now need to perform the following actions:-
1. Computers & Technology
· Remove all Intel Pentium and Celeron computer processor chips from personal computers (desktops, laptops and notebooks) as these were either developed or manufactured in Israel. Note that the revolutionary new Ivy Bridge processor will be manufactured in Israel.
· Any computers that still work need to have their anti-virus software and personal firewalls removed as this technology originated in Israel. Any computers running the Windows XT operating system must be turned off immediately as this was developed in Israel. All current Microsoft operating systems are not to be used as Microsoft is heavily reliant on its Israel R&D centre.
· The organisation’s firewall will also need to be switched off. Staff should no longer open external emails as most of these will be infected with viruses
· No outgoing emails can be sent. The algorithm (code) that’s used today for sending e-mails, was made by an Israeli who worked at the Ben-Gurion University in Be’er-Sheva in 1980
· Before accepting any printed material, check that the supplier has not used the Israeli device that might have saved up to 50% of the ink used.
· At home, do not use Facebook as many in-built and add-on applications are Israeli-developed.
· Do not watch videos on the Internet as the platform used to upload them may be from AOL and hence from an Israeli company.
· Do not use Video On Demand (VOD) to watch movies as you may inadvertently see an advert displayed using Israeli software
· Do not purchase any games devices as these are likely to use Israeli technology.
· Do not read books using an e-book as this may contain Israeli technology.
· Do not use data storage as it may have been developed at Israel's storage technology R&D centre
· Do not buy an electric car as it is likely to be powered with an Israeli battery or use Israeli developed charging mats
2. Phones & Voicemail
· Discard all mobile phones, as this technology was developed in Israel, where the first mobile phones were manufactured. Mobile chip technology from a single Israeli company has now been installed in over 100 million devices.
· Only top level staff may retain mobile phones for emergency situations. However the use of SMS (Texting) is expressly forbidden as this facility was developed in Israel.
· No 4G devices can be used as the chipset is Israeli.
· Turn off your voice-mail service and delete any recorded messages. Israeli companies invented the voice-mail system.
· If your call is not answered by someone you know, hang up. Israeli call-centres and call-centre technology is in widespread operation in the UK.
· Do not use the Internet to search for answers to your questions as this may involve use of an Israeli-developed search engine. Better to remain unenlightened.
3. Food and Drink
· Restaurants must dispose of cherry tomatoes, which were developed in Israel. Staff must ensure that no cherry tomatoes are included in sandwiches brought into office premises.
· The ban also applies to honey and any products derived from honey. Israel has developed solutions to the world-wide problem of bee-colony collapse, so that any products derived from bees might only be available now due to an Israeli invention.
· Avoid drinking any of the world-recognised award-winning Israeli wines
· No delicious home-made drinks from Israeli-manufactured household drinks machines
· Avoid any fruit from South Africa or Peru as produce from these countries is being marketed with Israeli brand names
· No agricultural products from the following areas must be consumed as they use water irrigation and agricultural technology provided directly from Israel.
· Most of Africa
· China
· India
· Indonesia (a Muslim country)
· Nepal
· Many others - please check.
· Much fruit and vegetables (including organic) imported into the UK has been enhanced using Israeli technology. This saves millions of people from starving around the world but is not a good reason for you to eat it. For safety, only eat fruit and vegetables that you have grown yourself using seeds that have been in your family for generations.
4. Dealing with People:
When interviewing prospective new staff or holding meetings with members of the public or other organisations you must check that they have no association with the following countries and areas that have accepted aid from Israel. The organisation must avoid acknowledging Israel's contribution to world relief. Also, associated products from these areas may also have been contaminated by Israeli technology. These locations include:
· The Congo (oil tanker fire disaster July 2010)
· Angola (mines cleared by Israeli technology - July 2010)
· Mississippi (bioremediation technique used to clean up after oil spills developed in Israel)
· China (a major purchaser of Israeli technology, and recipient of medical aid and training)
· South Africa (Israelis trained their doctors to perform circumcisions to prevent the spread of AIDS - July 2010)
· Cameroon (opthalmologists from Haifa restored vision to patients and trained local medical teams in these procedures - Aug 2010)
· Haiti (Israel set-up the largest field hospital to treat victims of the earthquake and hurricane and provided vital assistance for over a year)
· Romania (Israeli doctors treated babies following fire at a neonatal unit - Sep 2010)
· Ghana (receiving technological aid from Israel since 2006; Israel is now providing neonatal units to save many of the 4,800 babies that die each year)
· Philippines (signed major trade agreement with Israel in Nov 2010)
· The Maldives (although non-Islamic worship is banned here, Israeli eye-doctors performed free operations for citizens in Dec 2010)
· Kenya (Israel's Agency for International Development built a state-of-the-art Emergency Room in a hospital serving 6 million Kenyans in Jan 2011)
· Uganda (Israeli solar-powered refrigerators were provided to store vaccines used to eliminate an outbreak of Polio from the country in Jan 2011)
· Vietnam, whose milk industry is being totally transformed using high-yield Israeli cows (Feb 2011)
· Chile, whose rescued miners were treated to a tour of Israel as part of their "Pilgrimage of Thanks" (Feb 2011)
· New Zealand (Israel sent several rescue teams, temporary shelters and water purification systems following the Christchurch earthquake in Feb 2011)
· Japan (As well as rescue teams, Israel supplied geiger counters and Israeli thermal imaging cameras are monitoring the reactor cores - Mar 2011)
· Sri Lanka (Israel conducted a massive airlift with food, 50 medical staff and rescue teams only 48 hours after the Tsunami in Dec 2004)
· India (Israel sent an fully-equipped field hospital following Gujarat earthquake in Feb 2001)
· El Salvador (Israel relief aid following earthquake in 2001)
· Georgia (Israel contributed food and seeds for farmers following severe drought in 2001)
· Turkey (Israel relief aid following earthquake in 2000)
· Mozambique ((Israel relief aid following floods in 2000)
· Colombia (Israel sent medical aid and food following earthquake in 1999)
· Venezuela (President Chavez has forgotten Israel's aid following floods of 1999)
· Central America (Israel sent emergency medical aid teams and equipment to help victims of Hurricane Mitch in 1998)
· Pakistan (2005) and Peru (2007) both accepted aid from Israeli NGOs following earthquake disasters.
· Peru's hydo-electric power plants are also being built and run by an Israeli company.
· Rawanda, Mexico, Chad, Sudan (Darfur) and Malawi all have received medical assistance from Israel's NGO IsraAID.
5. Health
· Destroy all personal medication. Many medicines will have been manufactured by Israel's Teva Pharmaceuticals, the largest generic drugs company in the world.
· AIDS and HIV suffers note that AZT and Hypericin-based drugs have all have been developed or improved following research at Israel's Weizmann Institute or Hebrew University; also a treatment that destroy HIV-infected cells without damaging healthy ones
· Diabeties sufferers - Israeli scientists have developed new devices for measuring and injecting Insulin
· Multiple Sclerosis -Copaxone - one of the most efficient medicines and the only non interferon agent, was developed by Teva
· Myeloma - the drug Velcade was developed over a period of 30 years by scientists at Haifa
· Emphasema - avoid the Israeli protein replacement therapy
· Check all vaccines as many of these have been developed in Israel.
· Ensure that all X-rays do carry a radiation risk, as the only radiation-free system is Israeli
· Do not use Epilady (or epilator) – this hair removal device was invented by two Israelis
· Ensure any colonoscopy or gastro investigation does not use internal Israeli cameras such as the Pillcam.
· Do not protect babies and infants from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome with the Babysense system from Israel.
· Do not undergo surgery to install an artificial heart, as the first artificial heart transplant took place in Israel.
· Sufferers of Parkinsons must avoid the brain pacemaker - pioneered in Israel to stop tremors. Also Levodopa to reduce motor disturbances. Or magnetic cortex stimulation
· Do not take any form of medication to combat cancer. Israeli scientists have been developing treatments in this area for decades. Full list available on request.
· Kidney transplants must only use kidneys from donors of the same blood group. Israel's revolutionary new methods allow donors from other blood groups.
· Treatments derived from Stem Cell research must be avoided as most of this is Israeli-developed
· If you or your family are struck with a bacteria infection, do not take alternatives to older, ineffective bacteria-resistant antibiotics as an Israeli discovery will have been responsible for the modern, effective drugs.
· Epileptics must avoid any treatment that may have benefited from the Israeli discovery of the underlying mutant gene.
· Employees of Arab origin must not make use of the only database for matching potential Arab donors of bone-marrow - in Israel.
· Check that any pain relief medication is not based on soya as an Israeli doctor discovered the beneficial effect of the soya bean.
· Before any surgery or medical tests, check that hospital catheters have not been protected from infection using the new plastic from Israel that disables micro-organisms
· Sufferers of sleep apnea must avoid tests using the breakthrough Israeli device for diagnosis.
· Employees with a family history of heart disease and arteriosclerosis must not use the Israeli device for early detection of these.
· Sufferers or relatives of sufferers of the eye disease Age-related Macular Degeneration must not use Israeli implants to arrest the disease.
· Avoid throat surgery as this may utilise Israeli surgical lasers.
· In the event of a spinal injury or disease, do not accept spinal implants - likely to be an Israeli product or development.
· Heart rhythm problems must not be solved with the Israeli-developed heart pulse generator.
· Any incident of stroke or head trauma or onset of Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, MS, epilepsy, glaucoma or brain tumour must avoid using any of the Weizmann Institute's patented methods of treatment.
· Do not use the revolutionary new Israeli bandage that saved Arizona senator Gabriella Giffords after she was shot in the head.
· Do not allow dyslexics to benefit from the Israeli Internet-based reading system.
· Sufferers from liver disease must avoid using the Israeli-developed antibody immunotherapy treatment.
· All heart stents are off-limits as most of these originate from Israeli medical companies
· If you break a bone badly, reject any treatment that involves introducing collagen, as this may have been manufactured from Israeli plants.
· Reject all dental treatment as your teeth may need to be scanned with an Israeli-developed dental scanner
· Treat skin allergies only with steroid creams as the new safer non-steroid alternative is Israeli
6. Other impacts of this boycott:
· Reject all products from the USA. Analysis conducted in a typical US state shows that Israeli innovations were responsible for $2.4 billion in direct revenue to its economy in 2009 and generated nearly 6,000 jobs.
· Do not tutor your children in advanced Mathematics techniques, which may have originated in Israel. Also, if these techniques are used in your children's schools, withdraw your children immediately.
· Keen ornithologists should consider giving up their hobby as many rare species stop off or reside in Israel during their twice-yearly migration.
· Do not watch the new series of NCIS as the main actress is Israeli.
· Avoid going to any football matches featuring teams with Israeli players.
· Destroy all your recordings of Madonna, Bob Dylan, Simon & Garfunkel, Deep Purple, Bon Jovie, Justin Bieber, George Benson, Moby and many, many more artists who have ridiculed the stupid and illogical boycott and have proudly performed (or will shortly perform) concerts in Israel.
· Destroy any recordings of U2, Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Bruce Springsteen, Beck, Rihanna Coldplay and any artist whose music has been recorded using the sound technology of the Grammy Award winning Israeli company Wave Audio. You also must get rid of any personal copies of Shrek, American Beauty and Star Wars. Do not trust anything recorded by Sony, JVC, Toshiba or Dell.
· Don't go to see "The Black Swan" with Natalie Portman, or watch any old films with Elizabeth Taylor - both lovers of the Jewish State.
· Do not stay in hotels or visit shopping centres owned by Israeli companies (sorry, you will need to check which ones yourself).
· Do not have anything to do with the banks who are using Israeli software to prevent fraud.
· Do not use any Credit or Debit card as the Security monitoring system used by the Credit Card companies is likely to be Israeli.
· Do not buy an engagement ring containing a diamond as it is possible that this may have been cut in Israel.
· Do not travel by air as your plane might be towed by the Israeli-built "Taxibot".
· Do not use public transport inside Amsterdam, Moscow or Northern China in case you benefit from Israeli transportation devices.
· If you suffer a power or network failure, be grateful that at least you haven't installed the Israeli system that prevents power outages.
Finally, you need to leave all your taps running when you leave home and must never flush your toilet, because Israel provides water-saving technology to over half of the planet. It also is providing sewage treatment technology across the world, including to the UK.
Seriously, let's hope that the idiotic decision by your organisation to boycott Israeli products is flushed down the toilet of history.
